A Search for Meaning

I find myself looking for meaning. Meaning in decisions I've made. Meaning in decisions I want to make. Even meaning in decisions I don't want to make. The one thing I can't seem to find meaning in is love. Maybe it is because of things that people don't see in me when they look at me that I don't make the right decisions in life and love. Or at least haven't. Am I too impulsive? Am I just wanting affirmation that much? Maybe, maybe not. One thing I do know the meaning of is what I feel inside; what others cannot see. 

 Several years ago I wrote this:

 What You Don't See (March 1, 2015)
You see the smile on my face and assume that I am alright. 
          What you don't see is that I am dying inside. 
You see me happy and full of life. 
          What you don't see is the deep unhappiness I feel.
You see me out and about doing daily things. 
          What you don't see is how bad I want to crawl into a hole and hide.
You see me laugh at a joke. 
          What you don't see is the heartache I am dealing with.


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