Life With Jules, and other stuff

So much is going on in my life right now. If I were to try and blog about it, I'm afraid that the posts would go on forever and be a jumbled mess. For now, I am going to say that I have a much deeper understanding of "battered woman syndrome". I put it in quotes because I'm not sure if I can classify myself as such, but I have been in a somewhat volatile at times relationship for two years, until last week. Unfortunately, I had to call for help for him. I wasn't going to let him die, if indeed that's what he was trying to do. I'm not necessarily afraid of him, when he's sober. He's a lot of fun to be around, half the time. Sometimes he's a bit frustrating. And when he drinks...let's just say alcohol and uncontrolled diabetes DON'T MIX! Now, he's in a safer place where he can't really harm himself, or me for that matter. As for me, I am trying to just pick up the pieces and keep him in my prayers to God. I pray that God gives...

The past few Sundays, we've been learning about being a disciple of Christ.Well, really we learn something about this EVERY Sunday, lol. Anyway, this past Sunday, a few things stood out to me that I wanted to expand on here as a word study. To begin, the definition of "disciple", according to Merriam-Webster is one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another: such as Christianity: one of the 12 in the inner circle of Christ's followers according to the Gospel accounts, or a convinced adherent of a school or individual (i.e. disciple of Freud). Dictionary.com defines it as this: (1) Religion (one of the 12 personal followers of Christ; one of the 70 followers sent forth by Christ; any other professed follower of Christ in His lifetime); (2) any follower of Christ; (3) a member of the Disciples of Christ; (4) a person who is a pupil or an adherent of the doctrines of another; follower . So pretty much, these two definitions seem to match...

A question was posed to me recently that has been weighing on me a little bit. "Where has that woman gone?" To put it in perspective, I was speaking with a colleague about various things and one of the topics that came up was my life in the Navy. Primarily, the responsibilities I held and who I was in those roles. So he asked me where that person has gone and how do I get her back? The simple answer is "I don't know." You see, when a person lives with depression, in any form, they tend to lose a part of themselves. I have battled this ugly disease for years and years. I have asked myself on numerous occasions "When did I become this person?" in varying forms. I lost a lot of my spirit. A lot of my life, over the years. I sometimes look at pictures of myself and don't recognize the woman in them. It's truly sad! I'm not looking for sympathy or empathy in writing this post. I am simply putting it out there. For the world to see. To read...

So on my Facebook memories came up a picture from 2013 when I made a Cherry Chip cake with Cherry Frosting. I am now craving a cherry chip cake with cherry frosting. The only problem is, I am in Florida and the cherry chip cake mix is in Michigan. At least that's the only place I can find it. At Meijer! So I shared that Facebook memory and my angst today with a subtle hint about sending me a care package. I wonder if she will actually do it, lol! She hasn't actually commented on it yet. Hmmm... So, my boy friend made a pumpkin spice cake a few days ago and used some cherry frosting we happened to have. It was good! I like spice cake.  But, it's just not the same... Tonight, I'm going to be dreaming about Cherry Chip cake with Cherry Frosting.

In the past week, I have had 2 deaths in my family. This brings the grand total to 3 for the last month. I am through with death! On Easter Sunday, I lost an uncle. He was 75 and it was unexpected. He was planning his wedding for this summer. I found out this morning that a cousin of mine lost her son, tragically, by his own hand. Suicide is so prevalent in the world today. I have been to the brink myself a few times. The last time was in 1998 when I was hospitalized. That and my faith in GOD is what keeps me from going there again. I cannot imagine what his mom (my cousin) is going through right now. I can only keep her in prayer, and the rest of the family. This is a chapter from the Bible that is used quite often at funerals and memorials. It was the very first verse(s) I memorized. I am sharing this rendition of it as it gives insight as to the meaning of each line. Please take a few moments to read it through. I encourage you, if you haven't already, please take tha...