Life With Jules, and other stuff

Michael Shawn Hayes, July 2012 ©Julie Hayes I think I'm like my dad. I like to dream about things. I like to think about things I want to do, places I want to go, people I'd like to meet. I dream big sometimes. I was looking through my Facebook this past week. You know, the stuff that I like: movies, books, people, etc. Revising it. Removing things. Cleaning it up a bit. I came across a few Notes that I posted several years ago. My Bucket List being one. I thought I'd "freshen it up" a bit and post it here. I have posted the original first with the refreshed version following. Bucket List (July 30, 2013) Cruise Caribbean Bahamas Travel across Canada France England Germany Mediterranean Iraq Israel Earn Doctorate of Philosophy in History Publish a book Publish in another academic journal Marry again - FOR KEEPS Buy a home Lose 100 lbs Spend a couple weeks in the Florida Keys Spend a couple weeks exploring the Rockies ...

Last night was my dad's 45 46th High School Reunion. I decided when the invite first came to attend in his memory. I am so glad that I did! Here are some pics I took (click on image as it's an album on Picassa Web): Bellamy Brothers 2014

One year ago this week  You said your final goodbyes  Knowing it's not forever;       just for now  One year ago today  You were happy and cheerful  Probably in preparation       for what was to come  One year ago  I told you I loved you  One last time       I told you I'll be ok.  *****  It's so hard to believe how fast the past year has gone. I miss my dad a lot, and every day. Some days it's difficult. Most days it's not. I am finding myself able to enjoy life a little more each day. Knowing he is with our Lord in Heaven and that I will see him again one day makes it so much easier. My cousin called me this morning to check on me. She's incredibly sweet to do so. I know she is probably having a bittersweet week as she was close to my dad. Their relationship was almost as if he had a 3rd daughter/she a 2nd father. She told me twice that she...

Well, it’s been a little over 2 months since daddy passed away. I still miss him and probably will for some time to come. But life does go on as I am finding. I started my new job last week and am finding it fulfilling. I am working with veteran’s; a part of society that holds a special place in my heart for many reasons, not the least of which is my being a veteran. Yes, it’s better pay than I was making working in Corrections. This affords me being able to stay in Florida for a bit longer. Now, to find a personal life, lol! That being said, the holidays are approaching and I may post a bit more frequently as I navigate through my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without daddy. And I think about my daughter on what should have been her 16th birthday at the end of the year. I have strength through God to get me through.

Disclaimer: DON’T CRY MAMA ! I was doing the dishes earlier this evening and about fell out. I really expected my dad to come into the kitchen and can’t figure out why. It’s nothing unusual, especially now that he’s gone, for me to do the dishes at least a couple times a week (I don’t dirty that many and can get pretty lazy about it). This past Sunday, Amazing Grace was played during the worship service. I started crying. When I got home, I balled for a good 15 minutes or so. I really miss my dad. I know I shouldn’t, but I have been feeling a little bad not having spent more time sitting in the living room with him these past few years. For my part, it was mainly because we didn’t watch the same things on television. So, I would escape into my bed room and do my own thing. Now, I did sit and eat supper with him, most nights. It was on those nights when he was watching something disgusting (i.e. animals tearing each other apart, fish being gutted, etc.) that I had to leave and ta...

Well, here we are at the end of another month and season. Well, the season ended a few days ago. Here in Florida, it still feels MUCH like summer and will for several more weeks. One of the biggest reasons I moved to this state, other than family, is for the warm temps year round. I do miss the fall color changes at times and the new crispness in the air as cool weather approaches, but nothing beats being able to wear shorts and tank tops year round, lol. But, I digress… Over the past month, I have lost my father (as many of you read about earlier in the month) and put many stitches into a few pieces. Here is my progress for the month: Medallions . I finished page #2 (I started with this page as well, so I still have 1, 3 and 4). For the year, I used 3 strands of floss instead of 2 and added a stitch between the “0” and “1” to fill in the space a little better. I will have this finished by the end of the year! Cirque des Carreaux . I am just about halfway through page #3. If I wo...

The past week and a half has been somewhat surreal to me. I am having a hard to dealing with the loss of my daddy. I expect him to be here when I get home. I expect to see his face. Yet he is not here. I know that in time my heart will heal from this loss and it will be easier to cope. Right now, I am thankful that my family and friends have been there for me when I need to just chat. I am grateful to my online friends for leaving sweet thoughts and comments on my posts here and on my cross-stitch blog . This weekend has been especially hard for me. A lot of realisations are setting in. My finances aren't the greatest and I know it will be a struggle for a while, but I also know that I can weather this storm just fine. I am trying to make the home I have lived in for the past 6+ years mine, but I also don't want to take away from the fact that it was my dad's. The biggest obstacle I will face in the coming weeks and months is not a financial one but a personal one. For the ...

Celebration of Life ~ Michael S. Hayes, Sr. 1949-2012

Dad came home yesterday afternoon. He is now under hospice care. He decided he is done taking chemotherapy and just wants to let the cancer run its course. He’s been spending most of the time sleeping either in his recliner or in his bed. This whole ordeal has been so hard on me emotionally. I am losing my dad and my best friend all in one fell swoop. Sometimes I don’t understand why God deals hardships on people, but then again I have to believe there is a reason. I KNOW there is a reason HE does things the way He does. I lift my dad up to the Lord in hopes that he suffers little pain over these last few days of his life. He’s been telling me for a couple months now that he feels the end of his life is near. He knows his body better than anyone with the exception of God Himself. As for myself, I am tired. Exhausted. Emotional (although not really showing it right now). Trying to figure out my next path in life. One major decision I have made is that I will stay where I am and have m...

What a week this has been! I have done some stitching on Cirque des Carreaux this week and I can say that I am almost halfway through the 3rd page (of 6). I am not going to put this one off like I did Coming Home for the Holidays as now I am on a time crunch to finish the latter  (more about that in a bit). Anyway, here is my progress report: The Gardeners Cirque des Carreaux As you can see, I have gotten a little bit more in since my last post a few days ago. This past week has seen the beginnings of what will be some dramatic changes in my life. My dad has been in the hospital little more than a week now. His cancer has pretty much taken over his major organs and he is now living day by day until the Lord takes him home. We are hoping he will come home this weekend to live his final days but the doctor’s still want to see some more stability before that can happen. The week has seen a little more than 2 gallons of fluid drained from his stomach. While the doctor’s gave h...

I have had a little bit of time on my hands to do some work on Cirque des Carreaux as my dad is back in the hospital. Go to my other blog, here , for more info. Anyway, here is a snap of my progress: I have also spent a bit of time on The Gardeners , but I will share that on the weekend in the WIPocalypse #2 August update. This weekend is a holiday weekend in the US ~ Labor Day! I plan to work on my SAL with Joy (aka Lana). I really need to get some good progress on this piece since I would like my dad to enjoy it a little before he passes. Every moment with him is so precious now.

Well, dad went into the hospital again over the weekend. I feel like the end is closer than I want to believe. My feelings have kind of been confirmed, but I will know more tomorrow morning when I meet with one of his doctor’s. His survival rate is less than 6 months at this point. All I can do is pray for a miracle and I do believe HE performs them all the time. The doctor’s are suggesting we get hospice involved now rather than wait until we absolutely need them involved. This will better prepare us for the end, which is inevitable. We have known for more than a year that he is terminal. Somehow, hearing an actual prognosis gives it more meaning. This whole time we have been going along in the treatment process unaware of just how bad it was getting. I am not sure if this is because we weren’t given all of the information or if it wasn’t sinking in. Either way, I am not too happy with the treatment he has been getting and haven’t been for a while now. I am glad that we are gett...

Those of you who read this blog, or my cross-stitch blog, know that my dad is battling colon cancer. He’s had his ups and downs over the past few months. His CT and PET scans recently showed significant growth in his liver. Other than that, the cancer cells have appeared to stop growing at least. There is a problem with his liver because of the cancer right now which sucks. He was supposed to start treatment plan #4 this week, but that is put on hold for now. He sees another specialist tomorrow to see what can be done about an apparent blockage. Hopefully the doctor can place a stent and we can move forward. Dad in Michigan, July 2012 Normally, I don’t ask for this, but I am asking for your prayers. The oncologist hasn’t really given a prognosis other than the “no cure” statement we already knew about. However, dad asked her today what his survival rate might be. She said worst case is 6 mos. to 1 year; best case is 3 years. A lot is up to God. Some of it is up to dad and how lon...

Well, I spent a little time with Mr. Wilson last weekend and thought I would share my progress: I have been sick all week and finally went to the doc yesterday. I have an upper respiratory infection. No big surprise! I seem to get one every year, lol!! I have been ordered to rest for a few days so I think I will be spending some quality time with Wilson again this weekend. It would be great to finish this piece over the next couple days. Next week we find out how the chemo treatments worked on my dad. He has his follow up CT Scan on Tuesday and results on Friday. Hope y’all are ready for the big holiday celebration next weekend! I know I’m not… ~~~ Until next time ~~~

I didn’t accomplish much more beyond the last update, but the face is almost complete: I am going to try to work on Mabry Mill a little this week. Just kinda vegging out trying to decide what to do with my life. Lost my job last Friday. No biggie – was kinda tired of the b.s. going on there and being called a liar. Dad has 4 treatments left. This week was a doozy for him. Took him to the hospital Monday morning to get him admitted for treatment. They processed him in and sent us to the surgery unit. We were confused so the admin rep verified that’s where we were to go. So, we went up to the 2nd floor surgery unit and was told he wasn’t on their list. We knew there was a mistake in admissions, lol! Soooo, dad waited there while one of the nurses waited on another person to get back to her with what to do. I went to take my Aunt to a doctor’s appointment. When I got back to the hospital, I was told by the nurse at the surgery desk he was admitted to a room. We also learned that the p...

Well, last week turned out to be quite a crazy one in the shop. I put in over 55 hours  in a 6-day period and the check is gonna be oh so worth it! I’ll be able to get caught up…AGAIN, lol. And maybe I will have a little left to get some darker fabric so I can finally go back to stitching on Medallions. For now, the Crazy rotation continues. I put in some work on Lincoln’s Birthplace (and unfortunately he doesn’t have a complete roof yet), Cream for Kitty, and Mabry Mill. Here are some pictures: I hope all of the mother’s out here in blogland are enjoying their special day today! Last night, after getting off work at nearly 6:30pm, dad and I made the 45 minute trip to my Aunt and Uncle’s house to deliver flowers to her from one of my cousins. And today, we made the 30 minute trip north to my grandma’s to take her some flowers. I also got to see the newest furbabies. There are 4 white with some blackish splotches on their heads and one gray tabby. They are soooo cute! But not as...

Well, I spent the last couple of evenings in April working on Wilson’s Birthplace. I am almost finished with the house and then I can finish the rest of the stuff on it. Here’s where I left it as of 30 April: The most difficult part about this piece is the white and the light grey portions. I found that I had mixed them up somehow the other night and had to let Monsieur Frog visit a little bit. Oh well, that’s what happens when two colors are sooo very close in shade and the lighting is less than perfect for the moment. I am just thankful only a handful of stitches had to come out and not an entire section. LOL Last night and this evening, I plan to work on Lincoln’s some more. His birthplace almost has a roof! Woo Woo!! I will be glad to have that part done because stitching the same 2 colors over and over is getting mundane. Dad’s first round of chemo started shortly before 6pm this evening. He will be in the hospital until Wednesday, and then we repeat in 2 weeks. Until next...