Life With Jules, and other stuff

Sometimes life throws curveballs. Sometimes, fastballs. Other times, sour lemons. I'll get to the point of this later. So we've had our election and while half of America is happy, the other half...not so much. I fall into the latter group. I fear for what will happen to this country under the Biden administration. He doesn't want to protect this country. His record, or lack thereof, proves it. Harris doesn't even like this country. Or Biden for that matter. My prediction is Congress will invoke the 25th Amendment as soon as they can after inauguration so they can install Harris as president. That would be the worse thing possible. Yes, even worse than Biden. Her record as a prosecutor in California is horrendous and as a senator is subpar. She would rather see people locked up for petty mischief than a productive part of society. And let's not get started on her sleeping her way to the top. While there are many claiming fraud in this election, and there...

Aren't you tired of all of the hate in the nation? I sure am. I just want to feel peace, love, joy, and happiness again. When neighbors were friendly with one another. I saw this on Facebook yesterday and did it ever hit home: Do you feel this way too? Life was so much simpler then; even though it was the 1970s and 1980s for me. But hey, I was a kid.  As a Christian, I strive for this As a human, I get so absorbed by the news that I become angry and saddened by what's happening in the nation.  I just want peace, joy, love, and happiness again.

Good Grace by Hillsong UNITED live from Passion 2020 Written by Joel Timothy Houston

Recently I was told that I should just accept the fact that I will be single for the rest of my life. That my time to be married and build a life with that someone was when I was younger, say 20 years ago. I'll be 48 in two weeks just to put this in perspective. I was told that at my age, I have too much baggage and no man would want me. I have health issues and no man would want that. When I was told this, which wasn't the first time mind you, I was already having an emotional day; couple of days really. That was the last thing I needed to hear from anyone. I was married. Twice as a matter of fact. In my 20s. Neither lasted the first because I was too young and the second because he was inappropriate with a minor. So yes, I have baggage. But guess what! We all have baggage at this age. What hurts the most is not the words said to me. It's who they came from. Someone who says they are Christian, yet says that maybe God doesn't want me to be married.  When ev...

How can you fall in love with someone you barely know after only a few days? It's a question I've asked myself a lot through the years. I don't think I've ever really taken the time to get to know someone before telling him "I love you." I just jumped in, heart first-head last. That always seemed to cause me problems in relationships and they never lasted long.  I long for a lasting love. The kind that leads from friendship to marriage. The kind that no matter what, we'll always be there for each other. Is it possible to have that kind of love? I believe it is so long as God is at the center; Jesus has to be the foundation.  No matter the distance, this love can endure. No matter the situation, this love will overcome.

I find myself looking for meaning. Meaning in decisions I've made. Meaning in decisions I want to make. Even meaning in decisions I don't want to make. The one thing I can't seem to find meaning in is love. Maybe it is because of things that people don't see in me when they look at me that I don't make the right decisions in life and love. Or at least haven't. Am I too impulsive? Am I just wanting affirmation that much? Maybe, maybe not. One thing I do know the meaning of is what I feel inside; what others cannot see.  Several years ago I wrote this: What You Don't See (March 1, 2015) You see the smile on my face and assume that I am alright.             What you don't see is that I am dying inside.  You see me happy and full of life.             What you don't see is the deep unhappiness I feel. You see me out and about doing daily things.             Wha...

From time to time I think about my life. I look back on decisions I made. I look back on people I chose to have in my life and wonder why. What drew me to that person? They don't really fit the ideal of "my person," but who is "my person" anyway? So, I came up with a list of characteristics that I would like in "my person:" Characteristics (May 23, 2013; Updated April 20, 2020) God-fearing God-loving Caring Loving Loyal Compassionate Compromising Dependable Intelligent Adventurous Fun Creative Christian Nurturing Appreciative Respectful Best Friend Well groomed (maybe a bit selfish on this one) Committed - wants life long marriage Takes my needs into consideration as I would his Not a player Not controlling Not possessive Able to hold a conversation on any topic Not jealous Doesn't anger easily Loves me as I am as I would him Makes me laugh out loud Will just allow me to be in his ar...

So much is going on in my life right now. If I were to try and blog about it, I'm afraid that the posts would go on forever and be a jumbled mess. For now, I am going to say that I have a much deeper understanding of "battered woman syndrome". I put it in quotes because I'm not sure if I can classify myself as such, but I have been in a somewhat volatile at times relationship for two years, until last week. Unfortunately, I had to call for help for him. I wasn't going to let him die, if indeed that's what he was trying to do. I'm not necessarily afraid of him, when he's sober. He's a lot of fun to be around, half the time. Sometimes he's a bit frustrating. And when he drinks...let's just say alcohol and uncontrolled diabetes DON'T MIX! Now, he's in a safer place where he can't really harm himself, or me for that matter. As for me, I am trying to just pick up the pieces and keep him in my prayers to God. I pray that God gives...

Well, the year is coming to a close and I really haven't done much on this blog. I feel somewhat ashamed of that, but I must press forward. 2015 began on a sour note for me, personally. Spiritually, I have found that I am taking baby steps, STILL . When will I finally have total discipline to my walk with Christ? I ask for guidance, His plan for my life, on a fairly regular basis. Sometimes I feel like He's there, and others not so much. I know that I have made mistakes this year; who hasn't. I'd like to think I have learned from some of them anyway. So here I sit with 2016 looming around the corner and the only thing I can say is I'm thankful! Yes, I am thankful for the life I have. I have come a long way over the past 12 months in my mental health. Oh, I still have up's and down's. But I am learning to handle them a little better, S.L.O.W.L.Y . I spent much of the first couple of months hiding from the world. I would go to my appointments, work, church, et...

God’s timing is perfect. There are reasons He makes us wait. He is trying to prepare us for all He has in store for us. God’s Timing VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL Ok, so I am impatient in many ways. I am learning to find myself again after what can only be described as the best and not quite worst 5 months of my life. I had love, or so I thought, from a great guy. At first he treated me well. Took care of our home...

I just want to start by saying I hate Windows 8 and have a strong dislike for Microsoft Office 365 right now. I am back in the world of Windows OS. I am excited to get back to using Windows Live Writer for my blogging. I have missed that application so much. Right now, however, I am using the Blogger platform to write this post as I can't get my log-in correct (even after changing my password) on Live Writer to connect it to this blog. Grrr! Additionally, I keep thinking about all of the things I need to do around the house so that I can get back into my stitching. I have missed doing that as well. Unfortunately, the ex BF (recent development) packed away all of my hoops somewhere. This means I have to go through boxes in the front bedroom to find them. Oh well! Weekend project!! So, as you may have figured out, I have gone through a break-up recently. No, I am not looking for sympathy or "I'm sorry" from anyone. Just stating facts. His loss! He chose to leave. As for...

Last week I dealt with some major heartbreak. This week I am healing thanks to God! It's gonna be a long road though. I can only keep my eyes focused on God.

I recently read on a bank's sign the following sentiment: "Anger is just one letter short of danger." There is so much truth in this. Anger is "a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire" according to http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/anger. We all get angry at times. But what does the Bible say about anger? Well, I did a little digging and came up with some verses about anger that I want to share. I especially like the one in Ephesians and try to live by that; not going to bed angry. You see, anger is not just a sin. It's unhealthy. But it IS a SIN! I found this verse while searching the others and thought it a fitting way to end this post: In our anger, we can oftentimes find ourselves in the midst of a dangerous situation. I encourage you that if you have issues with anger, please turn it over to our Heavenly Father. We can do all things through Him who gives us strength.

Have you ever read this verse and wondered what does this mean? The more I read and study the Bible, the more questions I have. Especially as I find myself lacking patience waiting on the Lord to show me His will for my life. I was told that one way to study is to break down each verse. Chew on the adjectives, if you will. Like the word "patient" describing "love". What I have found is interesting in and of itself. I first looked up the terms for the different forms of "love" as found in the Bible. There is "agape" which is the very nature of God - an action, "phileo" or having affection for (not to be confused with "eros"), and "storge" which is familial love & affection. Understanding that this verse is speaking more to the action of love, I moved on to understand the word "patient". This is what I found. Patient, or hupomone (hoop-om-o-nay) in Greek, is being willing to wait. Another term used in the...

That's what I want to yell to God! It's just not fair. Ok, this past week I spent in Kissimmee / Lake Buena Vista / Orlando for our annual training. Each spring the State sends us to a location within the state to give us refresher training on our jobs / duties. It was a pleasant week and I had a great time with colleagues from the central Florida area. Our hotel was in Lake Buena Vista; Downtown Disney area to be exact. My first impression of the room was "I could live here". It was great! Here are some pics I took during the week: Now, why do I say "It's not fair" at the beginning of this post. Because I am really working on myself and my relationship with God. I am trying to live right. But I keep finding myself wanting someone I simply will never have a chance with. One of my very best friends, someone I have known for more than 20 years. I love this man dearly and he knows it. God knows how I feel. God knows how he feels. The only thing I ca...

Every time we speak you seem to have something that you just want to say The words seem to be           on your lips but you just can't           get them out Speak those words that are in your heart; that you want to say The words that are           on your lips Those are the same words that are on mine  

Some things have been happening in my life recently that I truly have no control over. I have to let God do His will through me. As you have seen in a previous post, I went to Denver for another class for work. Had a great time there meeting new people and spending time with a special someone. Well, he decided to end the week on a down note. Went so far as to "unfriend" me on FB. Now, I really can't complain about that as it was his choice. Actually, I will say it is his LOSS! When you love someone for as long as I have and that person knows this, it's very hurtful to be treated the way I was the last time we spoke. My heart is completely broken not because of what was said to me or the fact that we can never be a couple. But because he decided that our friendship is worth absolutely nothing. A friendship that spanned 20 years. A friendship that in the beginning was based on a mutual interest in the Bible and God. I am not a spiteful person. I don't like animo...

The pain has been unbearable at times  Yet somehow I get through each day  I am completely thankful to the Lord  For showing and sharing His strength  Right now I need Him more than I once did  I need Him to hold me and let me know  That all will be well.  ****  Sometimes my thoughts get so raveled that I need to get them out. This is the best location I can think of to do that. Not only is it a way for me to clear the junk from my head, but I can share my creative side with you, my faithful readers. I am so blessed to have you have pop in from time to time. I try to do the same! I've been dealing with some heavy emotions for a couple of days now. While the tears have all but stopped, I have found strength in God and His Word. If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be feeling this way, I would have laughed. Not because I wouldn't have believed them, but because I would have feared they were right. The past few mo...

If you could see you  through my eyes  you would understand  how I feel  If you could see you  through my eyes  you would never doubt  my love for you  If you could see  you through my eyes  you would know  what I've always known  If you could see you  through my eyes...  

There are times when I just want to run away; far far away.  I can't hide under a rock, or in a lake, or on a boat, or in my home. The world just seems to find me no matter what. There are times when I just want to escape it all. I turn to my God, I turn to my friends, I turn to my family, but never myself. Life just seems to crash all around. ***** I have been wanting to run away from myself for so long it's almost an addiction. Every time I try to do something to improve my life situation, something seems to send me on a detour. At times, even on a collision course. At the age of 41, I never thought I would be this alone. I have made mistakes in my life; little ones and huge. We all make mistakes. Unfortunately, many of the mistakes I have made have caused me to lose myself. I am at a point in my life where I need to figure out who Julie is. I need to figure out what values Julie holds. What's most important to her? What can she let go of and still be happy? What truly ma...